Why You're Not Healing (for those addressing physical symptoms)

For months I’ve intended to write this article, but it just never happened. It always felt to be too large of a topic to attempt to condense down into an article.

A good friend of mine, Mark pushed me to write this, thank you Mark.

Reminding myself that the now is all there is and that it’s the ego that resists creative expression, I sat down despite the immense resistance and began to write on my flight to California.

For me, the process of writing is as significant as the content of the writing.

I feel called to share with you that writing this article was a difficult and arduous process, requiring me to synthesize and express deeply esoteric concepts, personal experiences, an ever evolving understanding, many puzzle pieces and years of accumulated wisdom into some semblance of a whole, one that would also make sense.

Re-reading what I wrote I still want to judge and criticize it as not being good enough, complete, not thorough enough, too thorough, etc, etc. Fuck all that.

Let’s just dive in.

Typically when we experience a symptom we look for a solution through some form of 'doing'. We want to know what we need to do in order to alleviate or remedy what is being experienced in the body. Makes sense right?

Take a rash as an example. What stands between a body with a  rash and a body without a rash is some kind of action. Sometimes the actions are clear and direct and other times they are magical and mystical. Either way we seek to know, with some level of confidence and certainty what we need to do to move from a body with symptom to a body without symptom.

There are many levels to relate to one’s symptom and depending on which level one is operating from, the course of action, the 'doing', and the final outcome of that action will vary. In fact, I'm writing a free eBook on this very topic.

Take for instance the level of ‘treatment’. This is the most commonly accepted paradigm on the planet and it is at the core of western medicine. If a person who is experiencing a rash seeks to relate to the symptom through the paradigm of ‘treatment’ then the course of action might be to apply some cream or to ingest some medication, ultimately a ‘treatment’ that makes the symptom go bye bye.

Maybe it works, the symptom disappears.

Despite appearances the symptom was not eliminated it was simply suppressed from expressing itself any further. We know this because the moment medication is terminated, the rash reappears.

On the other hand, let’s say the medication was ineffective at suppressing the symptom, what then? What does this person do to effect what is happening in their body, because that's the goal.

With time, this person would come to relate to the symptom through the paradigm of ‘management’ and the course of action would seek not to eliminate the rash, but to manage the rash from progressing any further.

This person might give up gluten, grains and dairy, a result of their observation that such foods exacerbate the symptom. What they’ve done is effectively alter their diet so as to produce a desired effect. Genius.

So it works, the expression of the symptom is now stabilized, consistent and expectable. Great, the goal of this paradigm was achieved.

Yet this person still has the symptom, it has not been eliminated nor was it healed, which in a sense are the same thing.

Management can and often does work, but it comes at the expense of one’s life and freedom. You're indentured as a slave to the symptom, you're leashed to the symptom and that’s no way to live.

Designing a lifestyle that effectively manages the symptoms is the highest achievement one can hope and strive for - for many this is where the train stops. Most will never progress to higher levels. Mediating one's actions so as to keep the symptoms at bay becomes a lifestyle.

There's more though. Here’s the truth and it’s so simple that for some it may be too complex to digest.

Your symptom has a cause. Period.

You could consume yourself with understanding the cause, but knowing that cause does not necessarily change anything, because ultimately it is the body which heals by it’s own accord.

Knowing the cause does not change the fact that your body is programmed and designed to heal. Even if you tried you could not stop your body from healing, it’s just what it does, with or without your consent. When you break a bone, you heal, right? You slam the door on your toenail, it falls off and regrows; you heal. You burn your hand on the stove, you callous and you heal. You get a rash, your skin clears; you heal.

If this is true, which it is, why do we limit what’s possible? If I have a pancreas that doesn’t produce insulin, I regenerate the cells that produce insulin; I heal.

It’s not you or I that does any of the healing, it’s the body. We confuse our role in the relationship to these symptoms and think that it’s us who does the healing.

True, healing is always happening, but sometimes the ‘healing force' is not enough to produce a healing to the symptom we are experiencing.

Then our role shifts to one characterized by doing what is required to facilitate and intensify the healing force to that tipping point, which results in the desired healing. Understanding then, the relationship between what we consume and the effect on the body becomes paramount.

On my journey to heal myself of Type 1 diabetes I’ve explored the levels I described earlier. For years I was obsessed with 'doing', with discovering what exactly I needed to do to heal. 'Doing' meant many things at many times, like taking insulin (consistently for 29 years), it has meant eating only greens, eating only fruit, consuming copious amounts of herbs, weeks of eating a single fruit, water fasting, dry fasting, consuming minerals, flower remedies, essential oils, ormus, and holy ash from India, amongst other things.

From a dietary perspective I first moved from the Standard American Diet to High Fat Raw Vegan, then to Dr. Gabriel Cousens Phase 1 to Dr Graham’s 80/10/10 to Dr. Robert Morse's Program to Arnold Ehret’s Mucusless Diet Healing System and then back to bouts of mucus :)

Through the work of Dr. Robert Morse I came to understand causation - how the law of cause and effect was playing out in my body. I came to learn that a symptom, regardless of which, is a side effect. I came to learn that my body was obstructed and how the contents of those obstructions had led to the symptoms diagnosed as Juvenile Diabetes. That there is a physical explanation to what is happening.

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One night when I was about ten years old my dog Astro ate Shrimp Scampi leftovers from Olive Garden and started vomiting. He was sick for about two days and during the course of those two days he just lay on the couch, didn’t eat or drink anything. A few days later when he was feeling better, he resumed eating and drinking.

For some, like my dog, fasting produces results, it's a way to reallocate energy, giving the body the space to heal, ultimately to bring about the elimination of the symptoms one is experiencing.

More and more people are coming to explore fasting, in its various forms, with mixed results as a means to produce a tangible healing experience.

Given what we've discussed thus far, you would probably agree that healing is about results, right?

When I say ’to heal', it conjures up ideas of elimination, right?

Heal acne, heal diabetes, heal parkinson’s, heal the big C, Cancer - the cultural assumption is that to heal any of these ‘diseases’ if that were even possible, would be to eliminate them from one’s experience.

So, here’s the million dollar question and I’m sorry it took so long to get here.

Why do so many see no results, no healing, even when they do what animals do - at best cease consumption or at worst minimize consumption so as to make available a greater amount of energy for elimination and regeneration.

Why are there so many people addressing the causative factors, especially in the Dr. Morse community and not seeing results? Makes you wonder if the alleged cause is the true cause...

Why is it that so many people water fast and come out worse off than when they started?

Why are so many coming into alignment with our physiological design - eating fruit, eating mucusless and NOT seeing results?

Why is it that so many are regressing rather than progressing on their healing journey?

Why is it that even when working with the laws of nature many continue to suffer? Why is it that 'doing' isn't working?

Here’s where I split off from conventional thought regarding ‘healing’.

Here’s where I rebel and completely disagree with what we consciously or unconsciously assume healing to mean.

I’m a staunch proponent that what we all want at the end of the day is alleviation from the suffering we believe to be sourced from our health challenges. Sure, eliminating the symptoms of type 1 would be great, but what I really want is to alleviate the mental, emotional and then the physical suffering that comes with consistently high, like 400+ daily blood sugars.

I want freedom from this. Not the blood sugars per say, but the mental and emotional strife experienced before, during and after the high blood sugars. Freedom from the mental and emotional suffering associated with the experience of high blood sugar.

As newbies we believe healing is a destination, a finite tangible experience, but what we come to realize through our initiation process is that healing isn’t just a journey, but it is the journey.

In my own case I first sought physical freedom, as an example, stabilized blood sugar that would consistently fall between 80-120. Though I still desire this, I’m not attached to this. A point was reached when my desire shifted and what I desired more than physical alleviation of the symptom was an emotional alleviation.

See, every time my blood sugar was high I would get pissed off. I was an asshole to the people around me, justifying it away by the fact that my blood sugar was 544. I had no control over my mental and emotional experience.

What I wanted, but at the time was too guarded to admit, was to no longer be mean when my blood sugar was high. In time I achieved this desire. My blood sugar could be 600 and I was calm and peaceful no different than if it was 96. This was progress, this was healing as far as I was concerned.

On a physical level the symptom I still experiencing the symptom, but who I was 'being' within the relationship, relative to the symptom had transformed, drastically. I was free of the symptom despite a continued experience of that symptom.

As a culture we have it backwards, we believe healing begins on the physical. We attempt to treat, we attempt to manage, we attempt to address the root cause, and yet even at the deepest level, in addressing cause, what we’re doing is working from the outside in - attempting, with our best efforts to affect the physical through the physical.

This can work, but why, for so many does it not work?

I’ve had no choice but to find an answer to this question on my journey to freedom from type 1 diabetes.

Here’s the answer.

This approach does not work, because the body is a bio-feedback device. Your symptom has a purpose, it’s here for a reason and your symptom is a side effect. It's not as simple as western medicine would want us to believe, suggesting that the symptom is simply some malfunction, some degeneration, some physical conglomeration of defects that are partially understood.

My experience and the experience of clients has shown me that healing happens as a byproduct, as we show up differently relative to the circumstances, situations, experiences and people in our lives.

As we change who we’re 'being', what’s happening in our body changes.

Continue to show up as the same you, regardless of what you do, whether that’s some form of treatment, some form of management, even aligning with nature through a fast, you can not and will not heal.

Healing happens as you become a you that you’re not 'being'. If you’re 'doing', but not 'being' a different you as you do, then you won’t heal. To become that new you, you must die to the you that you’re 'being' and it’s in that death that healing happens.

You have a body, yet you are not that body, nor the sensations you experience by way of the body. You have a heart, you have emotions, yet you are not those emotions. You have a mind, but you are not that mind, you are not your thoughts.

You are what lies beyond the sensations, feelings, emotions, and thoughts. You are that intangible immaterial substance that is part and parcel of the Holy Fire. You like everyone are one with everyone and one with all, you are the consciousness that pervades what is perceivable by the senses - you are that which defies and is beyond perception.

Let's time some of this together. So, back to symptoms. How does this all work? I’ll do my best to explain the puzzle as I see it today (which is always changing).

As Spirit having a human experience, we cannot avoid living in a gap. The separation or rift between who we think we are and who we actually are. Actually saying 'who we think we are' is not quite right, this isn’t about conceptually understanding our Divine nature, that's no longer enough. This is about living as, 'being' our Divine Nature - two ends of a vastly separated totem.

What stands between these two ends are obstructions - we are obstructed mentally with lies and limiting beliefs about who and what we are and are capable of. We are obstructed emotionally with emotions we have suppressed, repressed, rejected and denied. We are obstructed physically in a tangible way with pounds of cellular, metabolic and digestive waste. We are obstructed genetically by the inherited wounds and traumas of previous generations.

My experience has taught me that the physical is an expression of the meta-physical, that which is beyond the physical. We seek to heal the physical with the physical, but paradoxically to heal the physical we must move into the meta-physical.

Einstein is quoted as you've before with saying that you cannot solve a problem with the same consciousness that perceives the problem. Similarly you cannot heal a symptom with the consciousness that sees a symptom that requires healing.

Look at the definition for metaphysical - transcending physical matter or the laws of nature.

In transcending physical matter, in transcending what we perceive as symptom, we are opening ourselves to a new realm of consciousness that frees us to free ourselves from what plagues our body. In moving from physical to meta-physical we are ascending in perception and in doing so we are setting ourselves up to alter our experienced reality.

Einstein would be proud to hear that you're addressing your symptoms at a metaphysical level.

Given that your symptoms are here to serve you, to become and to live as who and what you truly are, if you’re not becoming that you as you do what you think will alter the experience of your symptom, your symptom cannot leave your experience. Please read that sentence as many times as needed for it to make sense.

Several weeks ago my left knee began to ache and to make matters worse I then slammed the most tender and pained area into the corner of a coffee table. I dropped to the floor in pain. I spent a few hours researching and was convinced I had somehow torn my meniscus.

My knee was completely immobile - I could not bend or move it in any way. For two nights I slept with a freshly made comfrey poultice, hoping to see some level of relief. I immediately went on all fruit, so my body could work in overdrive to address the inflammation. I put nearly zero pressure on my left leg. I ingested a turmeric tincture prepared by a friend. Yet nothing happened, no relief - at all. I was convinced I would need surgery.

Yet, that little voice reminded me to go deeper, to explore the metaphysical reason for this symptom. Why my left knee and not the right? Purely accident, purely random, I say not - life has taught me otherwise.

Symptom are a side effect, remember?

I read in a book and confirmed with another gifted friend, Trey, that the left knee has to do with behaviors and tendencies towards women. During this time I was getting to know a women I had met a few weeks earlier. I decided I was going to break my habit of monitoring what I share and so I said everything I was thinking and feeling about her to her.

The next day the pain in my knee went from a 10/10 to a 4. The following day I wrote this blog post and the pain went from a 2 to a 0.

See 'doing' works, some of the time, but not all of the time.

So, why are you not healing? Why are you not seeing results? Why am I not seeing results, because remember, I am still experiencing the symptoms diagnosed as type 1 diabetes.

Here's my best understanding to date.

I say this with humility and with vulnerability, It’s because you and I both have more baggage to release, also known as obstructions. Focus on releasing that baggage, rather than on healing your symptom and the game changes as you change. Focus on showing up differently, focus on changing the way you express you relative to what life presents to you.

Though technically I’m still diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, I have seen tangible effects, alterations so to speak, to the symptoms that have classified me as having type 1 diabetes. My experience has proven this to me (and the experience of clients), just not quite yet at the level required to be free of these symptoms.

The so called tipping point has not happened, the one that results in the perfect combination of an asymptomatic body, but it will as I continue to do my inner work + aligned and inspired outer work.

In summary, healing is always happening and healing is a result of a change in being, a change in how we relate to the situations, circumstances, experiences and people in our life.

If doing a 40 day water fast causes you to change who you're 'being' then healing will happen.

As I see it and many will disagree, it's not the fast necessarily, but who you became during the fast that induces the healing.

Similarly, if going out and giving free hugs for 8 hours a day for 40 days causes you to change who you're 'being', then you'll heal. It's not the hugging, but who you become in the process.

For some, 'doing' is not a prerequisite for a transformation in 'being'. Some are simply able to make the transformation, the shift, through awareness and then act in whatever way feels best to them. It's not about the 'doing' for them, it's about the 'being'.

For those working from the outside in, what you're doing, the action plan, merely acts as a catalyst to incite a transformation in 'being', which results in healing.

I know, I know. This goes against the approach by which most are addressing their health challenges, but this is the philosophy I preach. Take it or leave it.

If you don't change the symptom won't change. Simple as that.

Free yourself mentally and emotionally from the symptom, which happens as a result of a transformation in who you're 'being' relative to that symptom and voila, magic happens, because you've changed who you're 'being'.

You've then created the perfect conditions to release the symptom on the physical - and then 'doing', then that action plan can serve your body as a means to that end, regardless of what that action plan is.

I believe in simplicity. So let me not leave out that sometimes, despite all that I've said, in fact many times, it is as simple as changing what you're doing - that can work.

This article is my best explanation, as it stands today, of the nature of healing, especially for those who seem to be an exception to the simplistic possibility that a 'doing' solution would seem to provide.

Healing is mysterious and it's alchemical. It's physical and it's non-physical. It is paradoxical, just like life.