pressure + heat + presence = ?

Are you feeling the heat and pressure? i certainly am.

Heat and pressured presence in essence no difference than the heat and pressure that cooked this delicious tamale, made by a family who’s been cooking and selling the same tamale for more than 100 years! It’s all i really want to eat when i’m in Cusco…and how devastating, when i arrive and they’re out.

Ayeeeee….remember to get to your favorite tamale shop as early as possible, because by the end of the day, they’ll probably be sold out; especially if they’ve stood the test of several generations of Cusqueno palates.

…

We are being cooked, literally and proverbially.

The sun is cooking us…that’s one of the reasons i like to sit in the sun in the mornings, here in the sacred valley of Peru, surrounded by the Apu’s of these lands.

These mountains are phenomenally large and grand; i’m reminded again and again that my eyes actually can’t quite translate the magnitude (and heights) of these mountains, that is, until i’m making my way into, or rather rarely right now, up one.

The perspective from down here skews the actual grandiosity of these mountains, though they still stand in splendor before me. It is in choosing to get close; to become intimate with them, literally choosing to begin a hike or trek of any sort into and up them, where the actual reality of these stone giants becomes apparent.

It is then that i take a step up the Chakana to access the deeper and more rarified waters of consciousness where awe, respect, and ultimately gratitude flow.

These are the Apu’s, the sacred lords or spirits of these mountains that hold me and all of us here in the sacred valley; the Apu’s that have surrounded and embraced me for nearly 6 months now.

Today, while sitting with MamaCoca and the Apu’s, i was taken on a journey, as is regular…and was ultimately brought to a place i’ve visited regularly for most of my life. This time though, i had a new and different context for this place and question… it was wrapped differently.

The question, which i’ve sat with time and again is: what do you want?

What do any of us want? i certainly have ideas of what i want, but i’ve also come to see that my ideas are just that, ideas and often —more often than i can count at this point —my ideas of what i want (ideas in general) often stray far from what life gifts me.

That want that i think i want, that idea; from where is it being sourced? As i continued with this inquiry, the broader landscape of this moment presenced itself in my consciousness…a broader landscape i have been dancing with in recent weeks, especially in my dreamtime.

I know i’m under the influence of toxic and noxious gases, ones i cannot see or even smell; there are forces, agendas, technologies beyond what i can readily perceive (at least with the 5 senses) that are absolutely influencing my wants, attempting to steer or take control.

Certainly many influences are benevolent, i’m grateful for all the benevolent forces guiding, guarding and protecting me; and regardless, all is ultimately here to serve me as the one who resides and presides at the center — on the throne within.

Inspiration struck… while sitting amongst the Apu’s, seated on their thrones, i felt Inti, sol, sun, blast me and fill me with inspiration.

It’s a crazy time on earth, isn’t it?

So much is happening, simultaneously, multi-dimensionally; and so rapidly, sometimes it’s hard to keep up, whatever that even means… i don’t try to keep up anymore… i practice full surrender into the perfection of the moment — again and again and again… until it’s time to go to sleep…then i do it while i sleep and begin again once my eyes open.

Yes, these are radical times to be alive and present on earth. So, i’m called to pose these questions…what do i/you want? …and how is what you think (say, and even act) what you want being influenced?

I’m less concerned or interested in whether what is influencing such want is ‘good or bad’ or ‘right or wrong’ — the duality side of things — but more so, interested in cultivating awareness…seeing beyond appearances, because more times than not, appearances can be and are deceptive and deceptively convincing.

Further, what is framing and containing the want that i or you have? What are the beliefs, influences, and emotions (amongst much else) that is literally cradling the desire have? …and what may change if that cradle were to change?

i wonder what i may want, if i lived in or had access to a different container or cradle…is it ok to want that? …how would wanting that challenge who i identify as and what i say i want?

See where i’m going with this?

While it doesn’t necessarily matter, eh, maybe it does to a degree; where is the structure of that cradle or basket being sourced from? is it mine? is it of my ancestry? social? religious? …the artificial mother matrix?

So, if you’re still with me here, fantastic!

I’m feeling inspired to facilitate a 2-3 hour group constellation on zoom, to explore this very matter. While i certainly don’t need to and can and would (and will) thoroughly enjoy my solo exploration of this subject, i also feel and sense an extraordinary opportunity for a group of us to playfully and curiously join together to explore, unpack and see in and thru our desires, in the process expanding our awareness of the dynamics influencing and entangling with desire.

if nothing else, i imagine many of us, if not all, will leave this gathering with greater clarity and awe at the grandiosity of reality beyond the appearances, which, gentle reminder, our mind loves to conclude is absolute reality.

Such clarity is born thru expanded awareness; and that awareness grants access to choice; and choice goes hand in hand with options…in this case, options of desires that may be out of our current paradigm; ones we may never had until we accessed the expanded awareness that

such desires dwell within.

From this place, self-agency, autonomy and independence to fully self-individuate and thus gift life and earth with the actualization of the desires of our authentic and embodied Self…aware of — though independent of, as much as is possible in any moment—the attempts of the influence of ‘outer forces’…

We’re effectively taking back our power to want what we actually want sans the alluring and influential perfumes of outside influence, wherever they may be originating from; and whether we’re aware of them or not.

What is an ‘original desire’ and how do we know when we’ve arrived to one? this may all sound to be nothing more than mental explorations, but—as one who has been studying and practicing deepening into the soma for many years now—the body must be included…a knowing that is not just of the mind but of the body, a ‘soma knowing’.

This of course inevitably brings us to the infinite ways we may not hear, know, feel, sense, or even trust what our body is communicating…how awake are we to the flow of information between within and without; the inner landscape and the environments we move through as we live our life.

aye, that’s a big one, for another post.

So, if this is something that sounds intriguing or relevant to you and you would be interested in attending, drop a comment below.

Let’s see what wants to happen…

what do you want?
do you want to attend?