You're not the only one who lacks inspiration.
You're not the only one who lacks drive.
You're not the only one who lacks commitment.
You're not the only one who feels confused.
You're not the only one who feels uncertain.
You're not the only one who feels uneasy.
You're not the only one who doubts.
You're no the the only who feels challenged.
You're not the only one who feels afraid.
You're not the only one who feels like you're walking on thin ice.
You're not the only one who doesn't have their shit figured out.
You're not the only one who doesn't know what's next.
You're not the only one that wonders if you have what it takes to make something of your life.
You're not the only one, because I am too.
We all feel.
And I know that what I feel is what you feel is what everyone feels. If we are one, which we are - if you are me and I am you, then why would I have any reason to believe that you're not feeling what I'm feeling?
Ego Baby. It's only ego that would make me believe such fuckery.
Of course you feel it, because we are one.
We've all experienced those precious moments of connection during those deeply tragic moments in our life or the lives of those we care for. When someone feeling with us, fills the void, at least for a moment.
So what you're feeling right now someone somewhere, if not me, is feeling it too and this in a nutshell is what connects us to one another, it is the thread that weaves through each and every one of us.
The deep dark abyss, the darkness within, the part we'd rather pretend doesn't exist is the very lifeline that connects us to every person who walks this earth.
Hallelujah, glad we came equipped with the tools to reconnect with ourselves by way of others.
The end game of all personal work, of spirituality as far as I see it today is to connect one to many - to move from disconnection to connection.
Spirituality is about relationships, discovering the unity amidst the appearance of many. Space and time are an illusion. Yeah that space that separates you and I when we're standing across from each other during a conversation, it's a fucking illusion.
There is no you and there is no me, to the degree we are one with the oneness.
Everyone suffers, yet everyone is not willing to share that suffering for fear of shame and judgment, for fear of what they might make it might mean about themselves or what others might make it mean.
What might change if we allowed ourselves to share our sorrows just as easily as we share our joys?
What if we used our sorrows and our personal struggle as a means to connect rather than a justification for separation?
What might we feel then?
That's what ego would want us to believe and that's why we continue to suffer and that's why I continue to suffer to the degree that I suffer.
I've spent years in hiding, wearing a mask, for who? Who really benefits from me wearing a mask?
So what the fuck - why wear it, what's it doing for me?
For me, like the real deal core me it's doing nothing, but for ego it's doing a lot, it serves a purpose - it's protecting the me I think I am, from the suffering it wants me to believe I'm at risk of experiencing if I showed you the real me. Cause that's what happened when I was a kid being me, I was hurt, emotionally, by other kids, parents, babysitters. You get it.
So, at least in sharing I connect to you.
At least? What a limiting and scarce way to describe the greatest achievement we could ever achieve - the full unmasking of Self.
At best it connects us, it brings us together and isn't that the point of this all?
I'm back in school if you didn't know. It's called life university and every single day, every single experience, every single encounter, whether it's talking to the person who rings me up at whole foods or chatting with the antisocial woman who lets me in the security gate here at my buddy's community, every encounter is a learning experience.
Learning to expose what I've been trained to hide.
Not just the parts that I deem worthy of sharing or the elements that get the A-OK from the ego to be shared. How about telling the EGO to fuck off and GO.
To connect we need a bridge. And what if our struggle was that bridge? What good is keeping our struggle to ourself when it has the capacity to bring us from disconnection to connection? From aloneness to oneness.
The darkness, that place that moon in scorpio's like to hang (that's me :)) is the very bridge we seek, but only appears once we decide to peel back the mask and to reveal our soul, our fucking essence.
The depth of connection we can make with another is governed by how willing we are to share what the EGO would have us believe is the most secretive aspects of ourself - the parts we would never share for fear of our very survival.
I walk this bridge daily, at least I do my best to - sometimes filled with joy, but most times I'm filled with trepidation just like those Chinese people crawling across that new glass bridge in China.
We need to have the courage to open, to share, to be, to expose, to remove the mask, to peel back the layers we've lost ourself to, the layers we've mistakenly believed ourselves to be. The only way to realize that exposing ourselves is safe, is by sharing our struggle, and to do that we, as the saying goes, have to just do it.
Crawl, walk, run, or have someone drag you, doesn't matter, just try, begin.
Let a little piece of you out, not tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, or when you get home from work, or the next time you see that person, or the next time someone does something to you that you're not ok with.
Start now...like righttttttt now.
Speak up the next time you want to say something, but there's some radically convincing reason not to.
Speak up the next time someone does something to you that you're not ok with.
Speak up the next time someone neglects an agreement with you.
Speak up the next time someone projects their shit onto you and tries to make it about you, when in your heart you know it has nothing to do with you.
Just go for it and watch, what happens.
Afterwards pat yourself on the back, it wasn't fear, that was what's called vulnerability.
So yes, all those feelings I started with, I feel them too. We all do, especially right now during these highly energetic times.
The real question is, how can we use them as a means to connect rather than drive us deeper into isolation and fear?
I guess me writing this, is my attempt at doing exactly that. I am you and whatever you're feeling, know I feel it too.
I struggle, like you, to not get lost to the lies that would keep me from sharing what I've shared with you.
This is the war of all wars, you know, the war described in the Bhagavad Gita, the war of Self vs. self.
Some battles are won and some battles are lost, but winning is a choice.
What are you feeling or experiencing that you've been too afraid to share?
Seize the opportunity and let me know by leaving a comment below.